Memories.
There is this one location that I can't quite seem to shake. Three and a half years have passed and yet every time I drive down this particular place, I am taken back to that cold December night. Similar to how a smell can recall a memory from a simple moment in your childhood such as a visit to your grandmothers. How powerful a thing is memory that even the mere sight of where a fateful event occurred can trigger the same emotions in us forever?
As emotional beings we relate the memories that we have to where we experienced them. When returning to these spots we can remember the exact instance and even the inflection in the voices from those involved. So significant were these moments even our subconscious seemed to know that our lives could never be the same again.
These memories are a part of us and journey. Experiences, both positive and negative, help to shape us into who we are today. We cannot hide from these moments anymore than we can prevent them. Instead of denying the existence of these moments from our past or the locations where they took place, perhaps we can find closure as we strive to gain acceptance of them.
*The following images are from my Senior BFA Project. The following images and memories are from a variety of people, myself included, who forever look at these locations differently due to memories experienced there.*
the shock.
“I think we should break up.” My stomach sank and my throat got dry. I was sad, then mad, then confused. Why didn't he want me anymore? Questions and doubt were rushing to my head and I couldn't control the stress of the situation. I excused myself from the front seat of his car, stepped into the December night, and threw up. He didn't know what just took place steps behind his car nor was I about to tell him.
the childhood.
My parents were getting rid of their mattress so instead of hauling it down the stairs, we threw it out the window...with a house full of boys, you can guess what happened next.
the illness.
As the time she was in surgery grew longer and longer, the queasier my stomach got. Although none of us in the waiting room were saying it, we knew if a surgery was more than an hour longer than expected, something was wrong. Finally, 2.5 hours later, the Doctor came to find us. When he told us the mass was something he had never seen before and was most likely cancerous, I knew deep down inside that he was right. This explained everything that was wrong with my mom for the previous 8 months. My whole world came crashing down. I felt trapped in a car that wouldn't slow down and was going to suddenly crash. Everything in my life had changed.
the family.
Growing up, my family would escape the Arizona heat by spending our summer in Park City. As a six year old, Park City transformed into a magical place. I remember exploring, hiking, swimming and staying up late listening to my dad tell old miner stories. I remember being happy. When my parents separated, it brought years of fighting, anger and picking sides. Returning to Park City brings back those happy memories. All six of us - dad, mom and kids - eating ice cream on those hot summer nights.
the daydream.
As a child, I'd walk to my grandmothers house. Along the way I'd stop under this tree for a bit. I would lie down and dream about what it would be like to be an adult. As an adult, I dream about those carefree moments.
the death.
Nothing feels better than a nice hot tub visit with friends after a long day, but the last visit will haunt me for the rest of my life. One moment I was laughing with friends and the next I received news that changed my whole life. "Your dad got in a car accident...he didn't make it." It doesn't feel fair to lose someone you have made plans with, or get a proper goodbye.
the drowning.
We were spending Christmas in Hawaii and I couldn't have been more thrilled. I spent every minute from sun up to sun down in the water. Seeking the thrill of diving under the waves just before they crashed on me. I felt weightless as I floated on top of the water, trying to emulate the fish beneath me. A wave approached and as I dove down to the deepest part of the water, the wave had too much power and picked me up and twirled me around, slamming me into the ocean floor. I didn't know which way was up or down and I couldn't escape the depths from which I was taken. I was beginning to run out of air when I felt the tide pulling back and hurried to the surface. I gasped and desperately tried to catch my breath.
the dance.
I noticed a group of Hare Krishnas dancing and chanting and playing music. I don't know what compelled me to join them, but something about being uninhibited in public is thrilling to me. So next thing I know I'm in the middle of a circle of strangers dancing in the wildest ways. Laughing, jiving, smiling. Hippy, loving, weird vibes everywhere.
the kiss.
We had known each other for only a few weeks before we had to say goodbyes. After a short amount of time, I had never felt so close to someone. It was hard to then be forced to leave for an extended time. We never meant to become so close but some feelings can’t be suppressed. It was this night, on the lake dock, that I realized that I could be falling in love. I didn’t want to admit it but the feelings were too real. A last kiss for over a year was the ideal way to seal these feelings of potential love. Only time will tell.
the breakup.
We sat outside, we laughed and smiled. Another perfect night. We soon sat close, upon our bench lit up by the moonlight.
"I'm so sorry, it's over now." Her words crashed into me. Our future was gone in an instant. Like that?? How could this be??
Th time has passed, that pain remains. I wish it weren't there this way. The bench - a bitter symbol of the love that died that day.
the height.
All I wanted to do was ride the Giant Dipper. My mom told me it was the oldest roller coaster in California, it creaked up up up and then we'd scream all the way down! My aunts and uncles, cousins and sisters were all in line. When we got to the front, they told me I wasn't tall enough! My dad sat with me as I cried and we waited at the bottom of the Giant Dipper for my family to get off. The real kicker of this story? I'm now the tallest out of everyone.
the imagination.
My parents always said that I lived in a magical land where fairies and leprechauns existed. To this day I check to see if they’re home.